The Conflict Within ( Covid 19 times )

This sudden change in every living beings lives with the powerful invisible enemy , walking , swimming , floating literally hovering all over the world has taken a toll on everyone's morale in some way or the other . Some are positive and some not .

We have appreciated the beauty of nature recovering , the atmosphere cleansing , wild life moving around on this earth which belongs to them as well because our ruthless supposedly scientific activities had kept them in lockdown for ages on end .

But with Corona / Covid 19 looming , all of us have had our share of anxiety and sufferings as well . My focus today is a doctor’s perspective into this whole situation of the corona virus and our need as frontline workers to render the best possible service keeping ourselves and our near and dear ones safe .

Every doctor has family / domestic priorities as well either small children or ailing family members or elderly parents with comorbidities or they themselves are living a normal life with medical support .

The question of PPE, N95, d125 , sanitizers are all arranged adequately but what about the conflict within . No physical strain is a pain now .

Here’s an honest confession of a medical practisioner who knows that all along  life as a doctor covering over 3 decades traversing across youth, marriage , pregnancy ,  a mother of kids , at one point a spouse of an ailing husband and subsequently today again as a single warrior but a sole caregiver to octogenarian ailing parents never has such a turmoil  ever in the past arisen within . We do not wish to compromise our doctor patient relationship of history taking , clinical examination , investigational workup ,diagnosis and treatment of any patient who comes to us . But now its the medical practitioner who realises that we have to get used to the new normal of least contact preferably quick examination almost in isolation as attendants are restricted but we have to roll into a comprehensive satisfying  assessment of every patient .

But how many feel justified / satisfied in doing so ?

We are going to the hospital everyday with the mission of rendering service to mankind . Now even if we lyse our apprehension of disease  contact with all the gadgets and supporting measures ,the question is---- Am I happy / do I feel confident with the  quality of care I’ve rendered .But if I break norms and barriers and handle the patient am I doing harm to my family back at home .

All this apart when most unexpectedly a patient I’ve seen or a colleague who’s working with me tests positive , can you imagine how every doctor shudders within .

We are all evolving with these new challenges everyday as we are moving with certain most unseen and unheard of situations falling out of the most calculated and careful moves we are making .

There are at times realisations that would an empathetic technocrat at the helm of affairs to guide our authorities been a final nail to the coffin full of uncertainties and adversities ---- its perhaps not .

The virus will take its course and mankind will over time ( no body knows when ) learn to live safely with only the vulnerable affected . We have learnt to coexist with people suffering from Tuberculosis, Leprosy and HIV . We don’t freak out just because we’ve crossed path with someone who’s harbouring any of these diseases .

We are aware and know the containment measures . We can now only hope and wish that mankind will learn to live a safe and healthy life with this virus around and yet not remain under lockdown .

Hopefully medical science will also learn ways and means of working in symbiosis with covid 19 and yet doctors should not feel morally challenged in our duties of service to mankind .

Each of us are no doubt trying to sail through this unforeseen situation in the best possible way, keeping a vigilant eye on every  other commitment that we have in the background of this battle in front of us . It will be humanly less taxing and better if unnecessary tangles and worries of official imperfections and unseen / un knowingly committed errors are not constantly a brain teaser in our honest vigilant endeavour to care for the sick in spite of the whole world running on a red light vehicle where every soul is caring about themselves first .

Doctors we are 

We have promises to keep,

But let the world not misinterpret.

Our efforts are genuine and goals to help.

Now for God’s sake please let our hearts feel lighter 

And brains be in peace ,

So we can feel brighter in our endeavour of dispensing our part .

Let us come back home as long as the almighty permits without any pains and anxiety within.

 

By 

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das 

Professor of Medicine 

Gauhati Medical College 

 

Dated 14th May 2020